DumbFuck

It was just a routine day in school. We had our lessons, both in class and in the labs. Sham was my lab partner most of the time, and we enjoyed sharing some jokes and gossip during lab lessons. So, during that one eventful day, during lab lesson, Sham suddenly popped this question, “Dude, why don’t you find yourself a girl? There has got to be someone you fancy? How about her?” Sham said to me, pointing to his left.

That girl on his left was Gek Theng. I hadn’t talked much to her since school kicked off. I can’t even remember when was the last time we actually conversed! As a matter of fact, I hadn’t talked much to any girl since joining secondary school! I just laughed off Sham’s suggestion, but had unknowingly fallen into Cupid’s trap.

Didn’t know why, but after that exchange with Sham during that lab lesson, I suddenly couldn’t take my eyes off Gek Theng. I kept stealing glances at her throughout the lab lesson, not to mention the rest of the day. Even when I reached home, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was a petite girl, very innocent, and was a senior in our school’s Chinese Dance. I was suddenly smitten with her. Not yet hot over heels for her, but she certainly caught my attention for the rest of the day.

The feeling slowly faded, but was reignited by a turn of event, The Secondary three camp. During the camp, each class had to put up a performance, in which we decided to do some kind of dance routine. I wasn’t a good coordinator, and was quickly dismissed from the dance and musical roles. I also wasn’t one of the bigger sized males, who could carry the dancers on their shoulders for the routine. I ended up being a spotter. Ya, the miserable role, at the back of the limelight with nothing to do unless one of the dancers fell from the shoulders of the muscular males. My initial thoughts were, “Oh, this is going to be embarrassing.” I’m a Leo, and as all Leos would agree, we like to lead, not be led. We like to be winners, we enjoy the limelight. So, being a spotter was really quite bad, blame it on my poor coordination and lack of abs!

Our rehearsal thus began, after our roles were given out. I was assigned to “spot” Gek Theng. The honor of carrying Gek Theng went to Yanto, which I believed was the start to something new between the two of them. Nevertheless, I just did my job as a spotter, following wherever the duo moved. My arms were wide open; always ready to break any fall if it did happen. I didn’t have a chance though, Yanto held her well tight throughout the rehearsal and the performance itself. All I managed was to help her get up and down Yanto’s back. That’s all I needed at that time.

That night, at camp, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I had brought along a radio to hear the world cup commentary, but as I was listening, my ears were shut off. My mind was filled with images of her. Whenever I closed my eyes, I see her – A feeling I never felt before. Was it love? A crush? An infatuation? All questions. I needed answers.

I consulted Sham (which wasn’t the cleverest thing to do), who had noticed I had some kind of changes since the day we spoke in the lab. He advised me to talk to her more often. She didn’t have a cell phone then, so we started talking in school or on MSN. It started off slow; I was trying to know her better. She seemed comfortable chatting with me, and I always had this sudden urge after school to see her online. We chatted for a month or so, and surprisingly, we always seemed to be able to strike up a conversation, which normally doesn’t quite happen. Things were going OK, not great, but as a first timer, it was OK. But I was heading straight to a U-turn.

My mates who knew I had a liking for Gek Theng, advised me to make my intentions known. I was reluctant and hesitated. Why make my intentions known, if things were still going reasonably smoothly? Things were not to be as smooth sailing though. One day, while chatting online, I dropped hints that someone in class liked her, not yet stating that person was me. Unknowing to me, she was chatting with someone else at that very same time. That person, (guess who), had told her who that person was. She asked me for a confirmation. I didn’t know what to expect or how to react. With no one at my side to confide with, I said something I have regretted till today – NO.

Didn’t know what’s gotten over me, or why did I ever said no. Vertigo? I don’t know. All I know was that that was a major turning point. The sudden change of events meant that I’ve reached a point of no return.

When I found out that she had actually known the truth before her confirmation with me, it was all too late. We didn’t speak to each other for sometime after that. Awkwardness was all we felt whenever we saw each other in school. To think she sits in front of me in class!

Self-owned, I never recovered. She did, and found herself a boyfriend in Wushu, en-route involved with a rumored relationship with my mate Yanto. It was devastating news. Took me some time to recover from this setback. I mean, there hadn’t even been a break up, but there was so much promise in it. It was the first time I felt something for a girl as well. The chain of events was just too hard to absorb at one go.

DumbFuck.

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